memories
A Longer Wheel
“If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things through narrow chinks of his cavern.” – William Blake
Being our first year at college was certainly the last thing on our minds that weekend night. After having partook of the latest entertainment chemical mix, the four of us guys drove around like crazy. It should be logical that flying high and speeding around in a hot car don’t mix. But having a flat tire on top of that didn’t bode well for the rest of evening.
The first thing we did was not to look for the jack, but to lie back in a field looking up at the stars. I had never seen the night glow like that, nor the stars dance so much. And yes, on top of all that, it happened once again.
As I flowed into the ebb and flow mixture of the nightly lights and spheres, the ripping pressure in my chest pulled me away. And the rising sensation totally changed my perspective. My gyroscoping point of view shot fear throughout my body. My physical body, which I was no longer a part of. Now I found my ‘self’ shooting towards the heavens, completely out of and away from my body. And I heard that damn ringing sound again. Oh hell.
The Lower High Way
“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” – Joseph Campbell
What a drag high school could be. Or maybe it was just school in general. Or maybe it was because by the time I reached high school I had already been to six different schools. Six schools in nine years, through eighth grade (counting kindergarten). And then high school came around, and I was in three schools in four years. So a total of nine different schools in my 13 years of public education. Yeah, that was probably it. Not much stability in that. And then add to that that I was a shy kid, so not much else for me to be but a loner. But I got used to that, even though I was in a large family. So, as the oldest of seven kids, I pretty much kept to myself. But oddly enough, I got good grades in school, but looking back now I think it was because it was too easy. I rarely felt challenged, and I just floated through with not a lot of effort.
My main escape was my own imagination. And boy could I put that into overdrive. At eleven and twelve I remember hording comic books and going into the closet with a flashlight, closing the closet and reading comic book after comic book. And flying away with my heroes to other worlds. And no one in family really knowing where I was. But then by the time I was 14, I found a Playboy magazine and everything changed. Even, of course, the direction of my imagination.
The Dark-Haired Girl
“A magic dwells in each beginning, protecting us, telling us how to live.” – Hermann Hesse
So, back to those OOBE’s I had as a child (see previous post). I had almost forgotten about an important element that occurred in my last couple experiences. While floating around my room, a transparent little girl about my age appeared. And she was floating just like me. The first time she just faded in and out. The second time she tried to talk to me, but I’m not sure I completely got what she said. It seemed she was trying to tell me not to go. What that meant, I had no idea. I didn’t know I was going anywhere, was I? Funny thing, that was my last experience (in that series). Yes, I had some more in my teen years. But what was really important here was, that I would meet this little girl as a grownup many years later. Yes, quite amazing. And what topped it off was, I would know her for many years before I realized this fact. And that adventure, and that mystery, would continue … and still does …
Floating Away
“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” – Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
When I was about six years old, I think, a series of odd experiences overtook my small life. And at that time, made life much larger than I thought it ever could be. I flew, no popped, right out of my body. Not once, but numerous times. Say what?
Now at this time, I had no idea what an OOBE (out-of-body-experience) was. Hey, I was six, I barely knew what the hell an IBE (in-body-experience) was. So now I’m supposed to deal with flying around my room above my body, all over the damn place? At this point, I just wanted my mommy! Waa!!
And yes, there she was down with my body trying to comfort me. As I looked down at her from one the corners in the ceiling of my bedroom. I was sick and had a high fever, and she was trying to help me. But hey, mommy, I’m up here!
And why did I see everything from an exaggerated fish-eye type lens perspective? Wow, this was tripping and I didn’t even know what tripping was. All I knew is I didn’t like it. Then all of a sudden I was back in my body. Oh wow, no wonder I got out. I feel like crap. I was sick all right.
Lost Memories
“Grown up, and that is a terribly hard thing to do. It is much easier to skip it and go from one childhood to another.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
Do you remember that very first moment in your early life when you were actually aware of yourself? When you knew you existed? Do you remember what you thought? Or what you felt? Or anything? Anything at all? Is it even important?
I do have a couple vague memories when I was a little over three years old. Seems I was in the hospital for a hernia operation after I fell in the bathtub. Maybe that ‘woke’ me up a bit. Only a couple glimpses form from there.
Then I remember a few things when I was about five, in kindergarten and living in Iowa where I was born. It was usually about the cold and the snow, and the fact I never said anything in class. Seems my teacher had asked my parents if I could talk. Actually I was very shy. And besides, what does a 5-year-old really need to say in kindergarten, when it was just half a day, and half of that was nap time?
And then I remember something about climbing our neighbor’s fence and stealing rhubarb out of their garden, and then sneaking down in our basement with some sugar to make the bitter bounty taste better. Must have been good, because we (my two brothers and I) got in lots of trouble.