My Love, My Lady

Think about it, there must be higher love
Down in the heart or hidden in the stars above
Without it, life is wasted time
Look inside your heart, I’ll look inside mine
Things look so bad everywhere
In this whole world, what is fair?
We walk blind, we try to see
Falling behind in what could be

Bring me a higher love
Bring me a higher love
Bring me a higher love
Where’s that higher love I keep thinking of?

“Higher Love”, Stevie Winwood

Yes, we are back into the obviously complex, utterly mysterious world of … love.  Isn’t it wonderful, to explore a world so many of us seem to know so little of? But yet, I still think we may know a little more than we give ourselves credit for. Maybe the world just conspires against us, so we will spend more time trying to learn and experience it, instead of worrying and fretting about it.

I wrote about love in my last entry, in a bit of a clinical way. Mainly because it was meant to be more of an intro into a world we may explore a bit here now and then. Being that it is so very important in the fabric of our lives.

I feel I am a very fortunate man. I have been married three times, all to wonderful women. My first marriage was to my high school sweetheart, but it did not last too long for our immaturity caught up with us before a strong enough foundation could be built for a lasting relationship. Of course there were other factors, but the important thing is that we have remained good friends over all these years. In fact, I saw her just last month. And we still can have fun and laugh together like we used to. She has been married to a wonderful man for years, and they have a pretty amazing teenage son, who refers to me as an uncle.

My second wife, who I have mentioned in a previous entry, was the mother of my two sons. We were married for 17 years before cancer took her from us. I grew up in this relationship, and learned what it took to be a man. Believe me, I had a lot to learn, and believe me, she required it. I certainly don’t mean that in a negative way. I think I was a project, and she showed lots of patience with me.

The main thing we had going for us is that our ‘inner childs’ played so well together. So we had plenty of fun with that. When we had to be in our ‘adult mode’, it never seemed very easy. Neither one of us was very good at real communication. I think part of that was our upbringing. And part of it was, well we just hadn’t learned how too well. In the later years of our relationship, we did get better at it.  And about when it seemed we were making real headway, she was gone.

I of course at that point had regrets. As much as I don’t really believe in living with regrets, that was one of the few times I felt it. Moving on was necessary, but very hard. I had to grow up some more, and learn about higher love.

And then into my life came my third wife, a woman I already knew. In fact, I had met her years ago, after I had split with my first wife and before I met my second. We became fast friends, and remained friends over the years. In fact, she was also a friend of my second wife’s. Confused yet, with all these wives running all around the place? No actually, I don’t have any ambitions about having a harem. Ha, as much of a male fantasy as that is, I don’t know in all reality how anyone would have the time or energy to manage that. Never mind, back to the story …

Actually, the story of my last (and final) wife began way before I ever realized it. But let me tell you how I figured that out. One of the things we each did as part of the reception for our wedding was find old photos of ourselves when we were just kids. While going through her photos with her, I came upon a couple that seemed oddly familiar to me. Of course, I had never seen these photos, but it seemed like I had seen the girl in the photos before. Hhhmm, had maybe we crossed paths as children before? I pretty much knew where we both had been at that period in our lives, so it surely didn’t seem likely. Anyway, we continued for a while with our chore of the moment. And then, oh my, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Could it be? Really? I went back and searched for the photos, found them and scrutinized them closely. She watched me oddly. It had to be, oh jeez, it couldn’t be. I think most definitely it was!

Okay, so let’s backtrack here a bit, before I unload the punch line. To refresh your memories, in some of my early entries I wrote about the OOBE’s (out-of-body-experiences) I’d had as a small child. Well, one of them is about ‘The Dark-Haired Girl’, in case you haven’t read it. Moving on …

That little black-haired girl who came to comfort me as a child so long ago during my OOBE’s when I was sick and afraid I was about to die, was right here in these photos. And more than forty years later, here was the woman she had become standing next to me with that quaintly beautiful half smile of hers, curiously wanting to know what had just happened. I had never told anyone the story before, for I had stuffed it back in my memory banks for the most part. But now she would hear it, and listen she did, as incredulously as I had just figured it out. This certainly put something extra into the mix of our upcoming marriage. Yes, I guess magic is all around, usually when you least expect it.

We have been married more than a decade now, but it has gone by so fast. Yes, we are certainly having fun! And enjoying the icing on the cake. Our marriage is joyous, and keeps getting better. I could go on and on even more, but there are no more words I can think of to describe it. We started in magic, and are growing it, higher and higher as we continue down this path, … my love, my lady, and me. Yes, I am a fortunate man indeed …

You know that it would be untrue
You know that I would be a liar
If I was to say to you
Girl, we couldn’t get much higher
Come on baby, light my fire
Come on baby, light my fire
Try to set the night on fire 

 “Light My Fire”, The Doors