Lost Memories

“Grown up, and that is a terribly hard thing to do. It is much easier to skip it and go from one childhood to another.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Do you remember that very first moment in your early life when you were actually aware of yourself? When you knew you existed? Do you remember what you thought? Or what you felt? Or anything? Anything at all? Is it even important?

I do have a couple vague memories when I was a little over three years old. Seems I was in the hospital for a hernia operation after I fell in the bathtub.  Maybe that ‘woke’ me up a bit.  Only a couple glimpses form from there.

Then I remember a few things when I was about five, in kindergarten and living in Iowa where I was born. It was usually about the cold and the snow, and the fact I never said anything in class. Seems my teacher had asked my parents if I could talk. Actually I was very shy. And besides, what does a 5-year-old really need to say in kindergarten, when it was just half a day, and half of that was nap time?

And then I remember something about climbing our neighbor’s fence and stealing rhubarb out of their garden, and then sneaking down in our basement with some sugar to make the bitter bounty taste better. Must have been good, because we (my two brothers and I) got in lots of trouble.

And of course the border collie we had, who was always chasing cars. I remember him, or was it her? Don’t really remember that or its name. I just remember walking along the street towards home and seeing that dog in the distance start running towards us. Us? I’m not sure who I was with, just that there was an us. Anyway, on the way to running towards us, that damn dog decided to chase a car going the opposite way. Oh my, was it smashed into the pavement. Not a good sight for a 5-year-old to witness. As time went on, I always had bad luck with dogs. Maybe it was for the best, for as we continue through time you may see why for yourself.

But the real memory that locked it all in for me came about a year later, near the end of being in first grade. It was that series of events, other-worldly experiences if you will, that set the course of my whole life, even to this day. Next time, we’ll go there, and see what we might find.